Just How

Just how...how much I love lovin you
Just how...how little I have without you
Just how...my world revolves around you
Like living in love was easy, but I won't tell you now...
Just how

Oh if life had an easy button. A 'just how' button. simple. straightforward. available. Yet, isn't it true that life does seem to have an easy button when we are captured in love? Life seems grander, the sun is brighter, spirits are higher...all because of an emotion. It truly is a phenomenon how God fashioned us to be this way. Now you may be thinking that I have lost it and believe I am head over heels in love with a young man...BUT...what if that kind of love and intoxicating emotion was directed towards the heavenly throne? To where the King of all Kings, and the Lord of all Lords claims His place. What if, we as children of the Living One, experienced and remained in the depth of that kind of love? What if we could fall before our Maker and say to Him, "just how...how little I have without you", or "how my world revolves around you". Would our lives be recognizable to how they are now? It is easy to say that we love...but has it taken root in the raw and closed off places of our souls? Have we reached a place of true intimacy with our Abba Father that is marked with an endless devotion to righteously demand more of His character to live inside of us? My realization.....no, I haven't reached that place. I don't know what love is because the love of the Father has not been fully revealed to me, or rather, I am not in the level of intimacy with the Lord that I want to be...and maybe I will spend the rest of my life further pursuing to grasp greater amounts of this love...maybe i'll never know what love is until I reach the gates of Heaven. All I do know is that until I can sing those words above and have them be the true overflow of my heart towards the Lord, then I can not pursue an earthly love for a man. Until I can walk through life's seasons with a character that is rooted and developed out of love for the One who formed me, I don't want to draw the attention of my future husband because he would be receiving less than what he deserves in a wife. Praise the Lord that I am growing daily in my love for Him... and I know that this next stage of my life will just magnify and develop that even more! I guess this whole thought process came about during our worship night last night...it was such an intimate time of worshipping..yet it was also marked with freedom and praise. We were singing "Lord I'm amazed by you....and how You love me....how deep, how wide, how great is Your love for me"....and it just sunk in. Well...not quite at that moment. I was actually thinking about the guy last night and thats when it hit me. I was listening to the song above, which is a love song directed towards a romantic love...which obviously led my hopeless romantic mind to the guy...but then, almost as if the Lord opened my ears, I began listening to the song as if it were a love song towards the Lord. Like God was saying, "ok...you have a tiny idea of how to relate this song to a young man but do you have any idea of what it would mean if you sang it to me???" I was pretty speechless....cause although I desire to be able to sing it to the Lord, I don't even know what my life would look like if it revolved around the Lord in every aspect, every turn, every thought, every word, every action, every day, every month, every year. And before I offer my heart and myself to a man here on earth, I want to know that my life revolves around God Himself. If it wasn't, then I could not expect to offer the man (that I want to spend the rest of my life loving) the kind of love that first flows from having a spiritual one-ness with the Father and His love. Knowing this, I know that unless God does something incredible in this aspect of my life, I will not be ready to give part of my heart to a man in a year...and it would be silly of me not to abide in that love for a good solid season of my life once I feel that I have reached that place...no matter how anxious or excited for the future I may be. I both need and desire to spend my time as a young adult being completely & hopelessly in adoration, wonder, and love with Jesus Christ...THEN, I will be able to show my husband the strongest, most neverending love that I could ever offer<3

Captivated

First blog ever:
***God given verse for my upcoming life!***
>>2 Timothy 2:21-22<<<
"Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

Captivated = filled with wonder and delight

This word has been coming to mind constantly in the past few weeks and I think there are a few different reasons.
--> #1 I have been overwhelmed by God's blessing and favor and presence in the past season of my life. The Lord has prepared me, strengthened me, embraced me, taught me, and most importantly DRAWN me unto Himself to hunger and thirst for righteousness. I want to and am ready to be useful to the Master - His vessel, ready in and out of season to do every good work! And how amazing that I am joining a church family that DOES call on the Lord from a pure heart! I can't even begin to tell of the blessing that I feel already from The City Church...I don't think i'll ever leave unless the Lord calls me elsewhere<3

--> #2 Captivated is the only word that comes to mind when thinking of the guy...the whole idea of our relationship...its not overwhelming, its not consuming, nor is it insignificant....its simply captivating in a curious way. Captivating that I can feel God through his friendship...captivating that I can see such a future with him, and for the first time in my life that thought brings no worry, no fear, and no anxiety.

So my question is....
if this relationship was not from the Lord,
how could I feel both captivated by
Him
and captivated by
him
????

Lord, above all else, give me YOURSELF. Show me your ways and guide me in your truth. Allow me to become a woman after Your own heart. Give me understanding and wisdom as I pursue you with everything I have and all that I am. God, I give You my heart now, do not relent until you have it all. I surrender my desires and hopes at the foot of the cross knowing that it is You alone that can create the masterpiece out of my life. I seek nothing but You, I want all that You can give me. Just as Abraham said, "My Lord, if now I have found favor in your sight, please do not pass your servant by". Don't pass me by God. Sit with me. Rest with me. DWELL with me. Embrace me
...And lead me on the path to everlasting life with YOU<3